


Goodbye, Blue Sky

by topknot32



Category: Original Fiction - Fandom
Genre: College, F/F, F/M, Fiction, Love, Mystery, Original Fiction, Pregnancy, Romance, Scandal, Secret love, Sorority, Suspense, Thriller, age gap, secret romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:48:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27318751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/topknot32/pseuds/topknot32
Summary: Six friends. An unlikely group with personalities spanning any kind of social norm. Their circle only grew tighter after the death of Lydia, the seventh in their circle, in their second year of college.Two years later, they've built bonds for life, some romantic and some platonic, but all of it will be tested when they unravel secrets that were meant to stay buried. Secrets about Lydia and secrets about each other.





	1. Friends

**Author's Note:**

> •Characters
> 
> — London McMillain | Lulu or Lou |  
> — Jarret Williams | JJ or Rabbit |  
> — Willow Credence | Willow Tree |  
> — Miles Whitlock | Ace |  
> — Ethan Clark | Zip or Link |  
> — Samantha Kincaid | Sammy |  
> — Lydia Monroe | Benny |

**MILES  
PRESENT DAY**

Temple of the Dog plays loud enough to drown out all sound of the busy campus as I make my way along the brick sidewalk towards dorm block C where I share a room with JJ, or Jarret. I was lucky enough to have a dropout assigned to me this year, and since the semester had already begun and there were no late entries, the opposite side of the room had been vacant for days until my best friend started crashing there instead of his own. 

Days turned into weeks and after a while it was mutually agreed, though unspoken, that he lived with me now. JJ might hate the way I dress, the posters on the walls, and he hasn't heard a single song by any of my favorite musicians, but we vibe in a way neither of us can explain. He's real and one of the coolest people I've ever met. 

Jarret didn't come from money and the only reason he could afford college was because of his football scholarship. Football is how we met, actually. I'd been smoking a cigarette outside the locker rooms before one of the games freshman year, waiting for London McMillian, who had taken way too long to find matching shoes to her outfit, when JJ came out looking for their coach. He'd asked if he could bum a smoke to ease his nerves since it was his first year on the college team. 

"Ace! Hey, Ace!" I'm jerked out of my trip down memory lane by London herself yanking on the headphones on my head. "Miles! Are you deaf? Jesus." The redhead breathes out as she falls in line beside me. I can smell her expensive perfume wafting through the air. "I've been flagging you down since B block."

The smell of it reminds me of when we first met, how she let me take her on two whole dates before she'd let me down, far from gently, I might add. If I remember correctly, her words were something like 'you're sweet, but not my type.' Instead of feeling jaded and blowing her off, we became like two peas in a pod. I knew she was out of my league from the second I laid eyes on her but hey, a guys got to try. 

"Music was up loud, sorry." I mumble as I drape the headphones around my neck and slip an arm around to rest across her shoulders as we fall into step together. 

Anyone looking at the two of us would think we are an odd pair. Me, in black baggy jeans, band tee over a grey thermal long sleeve, tattoos peeking out and her, in a pair of black tailored dress pants and a charcoal grey sweater with overpriced heels on her feet and a designer hand bag to match. Like me and JJ, Lou and I aren't birds of a feather, but we flock together all the same. 

"I need you to convince Willow to go to the party tonight." London looks up at me, her emerald green eyes piercing deep into my soul. She has a way of doing that. Of seeing through you and making you feel small. She's little herself, about 5'3 to my near six feet, but the way she carries herself screams 'fierce tigress.'

"She told you she's not going?" My eyebrows scrunch. That doesn't sound like our Willow Tree. She's always the first one to jump on an invitation, aside from Samantha. 

"Apparently she's not feeling well, but I think that's code for 'my-depression-is-in-full-swing-but-I'm -too-proud-to-ask-for-help.'" Lou wraps air quotations around her words before slipping her arm around my waist as we walk towards my dorm. 

"Is she taking her medicine? I don't want us to end up in the same spot we were in last summer." I sigh as I think about Willow and the way she disappeared for two weeks after the semester ended. 

We had planned to get a cabin in the mountains to celebrate the end of our Junior year, but the day we were suppose to meet up she was MIA. It wasn't until she got arrested for public intoxication in the city that we knew she even had issues with depression. 

London asked her rich daddy for the money to bail Willow out and of course he couldn't say no to his beloved daughter. That night, all six of us sprawled around London's childhood bedroom, Willow told us of the way she struggled. 

"Last time I checked she was. I counted her pills while she was in class a few weeks ago." Just by the look on the redhead's face, I know she's not proud of her actions. "She should be back in her room by six which means you'll have plenty of time to talk to her before the party." London rambles as she leads the way up the stairs to the third floor of the building. 

Once we make it down the long stretch of hallway and to the right, I dig in my pocket for the key to the door with two strips of Caution tape on it in an X. The sound of hip-hop music can be heard and I know JJ must be on the other side. London slips inside ahead of me once I get the door unlocked. JJ looks up from his laptop as I shut the door and drop my bag to the floor. The redhead kicks off her shoes before plopping down beside JJ on his bed and crossing her legs underneath her. 

"I'm fuckin' tired." I mumble as I drop to my own bed and stare up at the ceiling, my body screaming from sitting still in class all morning and afternoon. My eyes find the clock to see it's nearing five. Just as soon as I look towards my two friends there's a can of Redbull flying through the air and I catch it just in the nick of time. 

"Drink up." JJ mumbles before turning his attention to London. She smiles over at him as he sets the laptop down and grabs her by the wrist. She falls against his chest with a giggle before placing a kiss to his lips. "I told Sammy we would meet her at eleven." I nod my head as I take a few gulps of the energy drink before resuming my spot flat on my back. 

My body aches and I want to sleep, but I know our brunette friend needs me more than I need rest. If Willow's mental state is compromised, I'll do whatever it takes to drag her back towards the light with us. London and JJ talk softly between each other as my eyes flutter closed. The next thing I know I'm being smacked over the head with a pillow. 

"Wake up, Ace." London's voice snaps me back from the precipice, causing me to sit upright. I hadn't realized I had dozed off until I look back at the clock. "It's almost six. You need to go find Willow." I run a hand over my face and through my hair before standing up. 

"Fine, fine. No need to turn violent." She rolls her eyes and stands along with me.

"I'll walk with you. I've got a paper to finish up before we head out." She steals another kiss from her boyfriend, but he's picked up his computer once more and seems distracted by whatever is on the screen. Homework, I'm sure. There's only a few things that stand between him and his girl. School work and football. 

London loops her arm through mine as she drags me out of the building and back outside towards the main parking lot. London is the only one of us who doesn't live on campus. Her father pays for an apartment not far from here, but she rarely spends any time there. If she's not in class, she's with JJ in our dorm. 

"What are we going to do when we leave this place, Miles?" London's voice is almost solemn after walking a ways in a comfortable silence. The grip she has on my arm tightens as she stares out at the campus. "I mean, we've been inseparable for three years. It's all over in just a few months." I shrug my shoulders. 

"I don't know Lou, but we'll figure it out." 

"I know JJ and I will still see each other. He plans on moving in with me after graduation, but the rest of you.." She trails off. We come to a stop beside her car, a black Mercedes. My arms wind around her shoulders and I give her a tight hug. 

"We'll figure it out. We've been through a lot, the six of us." I mumble against the top of her head as she squeezes me before pulling back to look up at my face. 

"Friends lose touch." I can see the sadness overwhelm her. "You move on from college and before you know it you're in your thirties with just your boring husband for company and your college friends live a thousand miles away." A chuckle leaves my chest. 

"I'd say we aren't quite like every other group of friends. We'll be okay, Lou." She holds my gaze for a moment linger but I can see the way her shoulders drop and her body relaxes. 

"Do you think it's Lydia?" My eyebrows raise at the sudden mention of our friend. The friend who brought all of us together in a way. The friend we lost. 

"What do you mean?" I take a step back as London leans against her car. 

"Do you think it's Lydia that's got Willow in a funk?" My hands find their way into the pockets of my jeans as I think that one over. 

"It could be. Lydia's death seemed to affect Willow the most." The redhead nods and reaches into her purse for her car keys. She hits the button and the lights on the Benz flash. 

"Go talk to her." She points across the campus towards the women's dorms. 

"Yes, sir." I joke and she flips me the bird before climbing into her flashy car. 

"Love you!" She calls out before slamming the door and starting the ignition. I shake my head and tap the hood of her car with my hand as I make my way around the front to head towards my next destination. 

Willow's dorm is a bit of a walk and by the time I get there I'm in need of another Redbull. I'd been up at the crack of dawn for class and there's no end in sight to this Friday. I make my way up to the second floor and give room twenty-seven a quick wrap with my knuckles. I hear music through the door but it's low enough I can't make it out. 

Moments later the door swings open to reveal the subject of my mission. Willow. The girl I've been in love with since sophomore year. Her chestnut hair is tied in a lose braid over her right shoulder and her eyes look red, like she hasn't slept. 

"Hey." I mumble out as she steps to the side to let me in, but I get no response. Her room tells me one thing, London had been right. Her mental state is not where it should be. Energy drink cans fill her bedside table, the black sheets on the bed are half hanging off, and every inch of her side of the floor is covered in clothes. I can only imagine what her roommate must think. 

Willow says nothing as she brushes past me and slides onto the bed on her stomach. The TV is on mute but there's a talk show on the screen. Her eyes lock on the host as he interviews someone I don't recognize. The music I had heard comes from the stereo on the floor, Mother Love Bone plays as a soft background noise. 

"London said you weren't feeling well." I cross my arms over my chest as I scan the room but she doesn't even glance my way. I recognize the sweatpants she's wearing as a pair of my own I hadn't realized were missing and the sweatshirt is clearly not hers either as it's more than one size too large. JJ's, maybe. "Willow." Her body rises and falls with a deep breath. Finally, she acknowledges me with those hazel orbs I love so much. 

"Yes?" Her voice is faraway. 

"What's wrong?" Willow says nothing, instead she just stares at me with hollow eyes. Instead of forcing a response, I step over the mountain of laundry on the floor and climb onto the bed beside her. My arms wind around her waist as I rest my head on the same pillow as hers. I drag her back against my front without protest. 

Willow lets out a long exhale and relaxes just a little. When I sit up enough to see her face, her eyes are closed but there's still pain written on her soft features. 

"Hey." I whisper out as I squeeze her tighter. "You're okay." We lay like that for a while, her body curved into my own, my arms locked around her waist and after a bit she livens up enough to ease my worry. She turns on her back to look up at the ceiling, so I prop my head on my hand and stare down at her face. 

"Next week it will be a year." The sound of her voice is a relief. "A year since she died." 

"I know." I tell her as I run my hand over hers. It's warm and just the feel of it anchors me to the ground. Some days it's hard to deal with how much I care for her when I know she doesn't reciprocate those feelings. My fingers thread through hers and her gaze lands on me once more. 

"You're so good to me." The hand not holding mine reaches up to brush over my cheek and I want to kiss her. I want to tell her how much she means to me, how much it hurts to see her like this, but I hold back. I know she doesn't need that on her plate as well as whatever has her in this mood. 

"That's what friends are for." The response is lame, I know, but what am I suppose to say? 

"Do you miss her, too?" The look in her eyes is desperate, as if she needs to know she's not the only one left grieving. 

"We all do." That seems to reassure her. 

"Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one. No one talks about her, anymore." 

"We can talk about her as much as you'd like." A warm smile forms on her lips. 

"Not tonight, but I'd like that." We sit in a comfortable silence for a bit longer before I remember why I'm here. To convince her to get out of the dorms to have some fun with her friends. 

"You've got to get out of this room." I sit up a little further to motion towards the mess as shame washes over her.

"I don't think a party is a good idea tonight." 

"Lou isn't going to take no for an answer, I'm afraid." Willow contemplates a response for a moment as I climb over her back onto the floor. I look around and find an empty shopping bag on the floor and grab it before tossing empty cans and other trash around the room into it. "Go take a shower." The brunette stares up at me from her place on the bed and for a second I feel like she's going to lash out, but the look disappears. 

"Fine, but I want to be in bed by one." Willow snaps as she stands and reaches for whatever clothing she can find that looks halfway clean. 

"I can make that happen." She grabs her plastic caddy filled with bathroom necessities and heads out the door without a word. I know she's annoyed, but sitting in this sad room isn't going to help her. 

While she's gone, I turn up the music on the stereo. Nineties grunge seems to be what Willow is on today and that's fine with me. I busy myself with cleaning as best I can in the short time I have, the sound of Pearl Jam mixed with the smell of patchouli wrapping me in a Willow-shaped blanket of calm now that I know she's okay. For tonight, at least.


	2. Secrets

**WILLOW  
ONE YEAR AGO**

The frat house is an utter disaster. That's the only word there is to describe it. I'm not sure how it got to be so bad, one minute we were playing beer pong and the next some guy JJ knows from the football team was throwing punches with a guy I didn't recognize. 

I'd tried my best to avoid the chaos, not wanting to break an ankle by getting run over by two alpha males in the middle of a brawl. Somehow I had got separated from the group and had spent the last ten minutes searching high and low for them. 

Maybe it wasn't just the fight that trashed the house, maybe it was the party in general, I'm not sure. I've had a lot of tequila since stepping through the door hours ago and I can't quite remember how it got to be this way. Oh well, not my house, not my problem. 

Broken glass and empty solo cups litter the floor as I make my way through the living room into what was intended to be a dining room, but the only use for the table is for drinking games. Two kegs of beer sit by the fireplace and it's hard to even get by with all of the people. Fucking frat houses, I hate them. 

"There's my girl!" I hear someone call out in a familiar sing-song voice and I whip around to see Lydia clutching the hand of Ethan, who we as a group call Zip. Lydia, the one everyone seems to be drawn to. Lydia, who bleaches her hair more than anyone I've ever met, who listens to heavy metal as a way to 'relax.' There's no such thing as a bad time when Lydia is around.

"Fucking hell, I've been looking everywhere for you guys." A sigh of relief leaves my chest as Lydia leads the way through the dining room to the kitchen where it's a little less crowded. There, standing at the counter taking shots of only God knows what are JJ and Miles. "Where's Sam?" I call out over the music.

"I'm pretty certain she's upstairs with a guy in a polo shirt." It's hard for Ethan to keep a straight face, knowing full well Samantha has a tendency to go after the 'preppy' dressed guys, who he can't stand. They teased him in high school and he's never let the grudge go. It's a whole cliche, if you ask me. Computer geek meets jock equals a match made in hell. 

Miles locks eyes on me as we make our way over. I'm not oblivious to his crush, I'd have to be an idiot not to see it. In fact, it warms my chest when he looks at me like he is right now. Like I'm the only one in the room. 

He looks so adorable standing there wearing a bleached-by-hand tee with a worn plaid button down thrown over the top. The look screams 'misfit.' It's obvious he hasn't had a hair cut recently as his brown locks hang down over his eyes and when he smirks, his hand reaching up to brush it out of his face, I feel whole. He's like my own personal homing beacon. 

"Hey! You know the rules!" Lydia brings me back to the present and my eyes snap to her as she shouts at JJ with a grin on her face when she sees him pull out his phone to check for missed messages. The bleach blonde snatches the cell out of his hand and shoves it in her pocket. "No phones during family time." JJ rolls his eyes and shoves her in the shoulder. 

"How am I suppose to take any pictures for my scrapbook?" The sarcasm is heavy in his deep voice. We all know big, bad Jarret doesn't care about keepsakes, but Lydia digs in her other pocket anyway before tossing him her old school digital camera. 

"I always come prepared." Lydia always made silly rules like that. When we are all out together, phones aren't allowed. Sometimes she would even stock up on Kodak disposables before a party and hand them out like favors. It was her way of telling us she cared, I suppose. She grew up in a family that ignored her, so she made her own and set the guidelines none of us questioned. 

JJ pushes a few buttons on the camera and holds his arms out as we all huddle in for a quick photo. I find myself tucked in front of Miles, his arms winding around my waist as I lean up as far as I can to make sure my face isn't cut out. The flash goes off and we all take turns looking to make sure it's a good one before JJ hits the power button and stuffs the camera into his leather jacket pocket. 

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for another round of tequila." Lydia does a little dance as she says the last word while reaching for the bottle of alcohol the boys had been drinking from. 

"I'm going to go have a smoke." I tell them while stepping away. 

"Wait, I want to come." Lydia pours the shots into the disposable Dixie cups and distributes them to each of us.

"Really? Tequila without me?" I look over my shoulder to see London forcing her way through. Lydia pours another and passes it to the redhead.

"Where've you been?" JJ questions as he eyes her up and down. She looks good tonight in a tight fitted black dress and matching heels. A sleek black crossbody is draped over her shoulder. 

"Wardrobe malfunction, you know how it goes." London brushes her hair out of her face as she raises her glass. "To friends!" She calls out and we all raise our shots before tipping them back. Seconds later I feel someone slip their hand through mine and I look up to see Lydia. 

"Let's go have that smoke." She leans in to whisper in my ear and a shiver ripples down my spine. "Anybody else coming?" She asks the group and Zip steps towards us.

"I am." The three of us weave through the room until we get to the sliding glass door that leads out to the backyard. There's quite a few people out here, but it's much quieter than it is inside as people linger about smoking or just having a conversation without having to shout over the music. 

I pull out a pack of American Spirits once we find a spot away from everyone else and pass one to Lydia. I hold it out to Zip, but he shakes his head while reaching into his pocket to pull out a steel grey cigarette case. Inside are two neat rows of joints, and he pulls one out before placing it delicately between his lips. Lydia holds out her lighter to me after lighting her own and I take a deep inhale as the smoke fills my lungs. The buzz from the alcohol feels like heaven itself as I tip my head back and look up at the stars.

"Fuck, it feels good to be alive." Lydia breaks the silence before dropping to the ground to sit cross legged in the grass. Zip and I follow suit and the three of us sit in a circle. 

"Want this?" Zip chokes out through a mouthful of smoke as he holds the joint out to me and I take it without hesitation. The only thing that could make this buzz feel better is a little bit of pot. 

I take a hit and it burns bad enough to make me cough, but I choke it down before passing it to my left where Lydia has fallen back to lay flat on the ground, her gaze trained on the sky. She takes the joint without looking away and takes a long, hard drag. The substance clearly has no effect on her lungs because she takes another in quick succession. 

"Do you guys ever wonder what the point of all this is?" Lydia asks in a faraway voice. Zip gives me a look, an eyebrow raised as if he's not sure exactly what she's talking about. "Life, I mean."

"How drunk are you?" I tease, but she turns her head to look at me and all joking is aside as her gaze bores into me like I'm as see through as water.

"I'm serious." The smirk falls from my face and I have to look away. I can't stand to hold her stare any longer. "I think the system has us trapped into thinking that this is as good as it gets. You give up years of your life for college, but for what? A career you'll end up hating in ten years but you'll be stuck in it for another forty." A sarcastic laugh leaves her throat. "Sometimes I just don't want to do it anymore." 

"Where is this coming from?" Zip asks as he scoots closer and drags her upper body into his lap so it's not on the dirty ground, all while puffing on his precious joint. 

"No where." She mumbles out as she reaches to steal the white stick from between his lips, her cigarette held almost forgotten in her free hand. 

"If you're not happy, Benny, then do something else." I suggest with a shrug. 

"I love it when you call me Benny." She sits up enough to catch my gaze again, but this time it's more lighthearted. She had gotten the nickname when we first met. She was going through a stage where all she wanted to listen to was Pat Benatar. She was certifiably obsessed. "Can you guys really say you're happy doing what we're doing?" I take a few seconds to gather my thoughts before answering her. I'm not sure where this is going, but I can tell there's something weighting heavy on her mind. 

"I know that I'm happy here with you guys, and even if I do end up hating the career I'm going to school for, I met you and that's the real reward." 

We are interrupted by the music inside the house drifting out as the sliding door opens and our four friends come stumbling out into the crisp night air. It seems Samantha has abandoned her love interest of the evening because here she is, in a pair of tight jeans and a black tube top that barely covers her chest.

Miles places his hands on my shoulders behind me as he lowers himself to the ground, his legs resting on either side of mine and I lean back against his chest. JJ plops down beside Ethan and snatches the joint from his hand as Ethan reaches into his pocket to pull out more as one won't be enough for all seven of us. London and Sammy find spots, the two of them gossiping softly between each other where the rest of us can't hear. 

I catch Lydia staring at me, her glassy eyes flickering from me to Miles behind me and back again. Miles rests his chin on my shoulder and I can't resist the warmth of his body as his arms wind around my waist. 

"What were you guys talking about?" JJ asks as a cloud of smoke leaves his mouth.

"Just the meaning of the universe." Ethan teases as Lydia reaches a hand up to smack him in the chest, her head still resting in his lap. 

"You're an ass." She snaps.

"Got a smoke?" Miles mumbles against the side of my face, his breath heavy with the smell of beer tickling my ear. I dig in my pocket for the pack of American Spirits and pass it to him. He pulls one out and lights it. "Thanks." 

"You two look cozy." Lydia mumbles out as she sits up, that same stare she had earlier pointed at the two of us. A hot blush creeps up my neck at the sudden attention. I can feel Miles shrug his shoulders, her comment not affecting him whatsoever, but I start to feel off. I try to pull myself from his grasp but his arm tightens around my waist. 

"Don't be a cock block, Benny." Samantha speaks up, the hushed conversation between her and London obviously over as they rejoin the group.

"Whoa, I didn't know that's what this was." Miles speaks up as he motions between me and him with the hand holding the cigarette.

"Looks like it." There's a bitterness in Lydia's voice, but I chalk it up to the alcohol. 

"Is there something we need to get out in the air, because it feels like it." London looks from Lydia to me. "Tension feels weird so I'd appreciate it if we could knock that out really quick before it spoils the night." 

Lydia stands up with the help of Ethan, her hands reaching to brush off the back of her black jeans. The tattoos on her shoulders and chest peek out from the band tee she's wearing that she's cut the neckline out of so it hangs off her in an effortless kind of way. Her feet are unsteady in the black combat boots, but she shoves her way out of the circle all the same without a single word to any of us.

"What the hell?" London snaps as she, too stands from the ground. 

"Maybe you should give her a minute." I suggest, feeling every bit as confused as the rest of the group. The only person who seems to be unfazed is Ethan, who's eyes are as red as a Crayola crayon. It's obvious he's on a completely different level than the rest of us, but that's not unusual.

"We don't leave upset, ever." London points out. "That's her rule, not mine." Maybe that's why our group works so well, because of all of Lydia's ridiculous rules. Maybe that's why on any given day, you'll see daddy's little rich girl London ready to chop someone's head off for the geek, Ethan. Or football extraordinaire JJ always looking out for the misfit, Miles. I can't see how it would work any other way. 

"I'll come with you." I pull myself from Miles's grip and dust my own pants off, leaving the other four to talk amongst themselves.

We find Lydia holed up in the upstairs bathroom. When we finally manage to get inside, she's sitting on the edge of the bathtub surrounded by empty beer bottles, her head cradled in her hands. 

"Benny?" I peek my head around the door and she looks up at me, her eyes still glassy as she runs her hands through her shoulder length hair before standing up. 

"What?" She snaps as she looks herself over in the mirror. 

"Are you okay?" London and I push our way inside and shut the door behind us. The bass of the music downstairs pulses through the floor and vibrates against the soles of my feet.

"I'm great." Lydia's voice is full of sarcasm. I reach out and take her hand, but she rips it from my grasp. 

"Lydia, what's wrong?" She takes a long, heavy breath while resting her hands on the sink.

"I fucked up." It's obvious she's on the verge of losing it. "I fucked up so, so bad." London goes to take a step forward, but Lydia raises a fist and punches the mirror in front of her hard enough to shatter her own reflection into a thousand pieces. Glass rains down and I stand there, not sure what the hell just happened. When I look over at London, it's obvious she's just as confused as I am. 

"What the fuck?" London's voice is full of worry even through the haze of alcohol. I grab Lydia's arm, refusing to let her brush me off this time, and drag her shaking form into a hug. She doesn't respond, she doesn't hug back, she just stands there as still as a statue, her bleeding hand held up with her empty eyes locked on it. As I release her, she leans against the wall and slumps to the ground. That's when the tears start to pour down her cheeks.

"I'm fucking pregnant." She chokes out with a stuttered breath. 

"What?" The two of us snap out in unison. As far as we knew, there was no one in Lydia's life. No one of importance or she would of told us. We tell each other everything. Maybe too much. I've had to hear more about Samantha's love affairs, the many love affairs, than anyone should have to endure. 

"Did I fucking stutter?" Lydia's voice is icy as her hollow eyes lock on the two of us standing over her, probably looking like fish out of water. I try to grasp what she's just told us, but the tequila rushing through my bloodstream makes it hard to focus. 

"Who?" It's the only word I can manage to get out, but we are interrupted by banging on the bathroom door. 

"Lou? Willow? Are you in there?" I hear Samantha's voice on the other side and I quickly open the door before dragging her in and slamming it shut again. 

"What the hell did I just walk into?" She slurs out as she drops to the ground in front of Lydia. Samantha takes Lydia's face in her hands and brushes away the tears, a worried mother hen taking the place of our wild best friend right before our eyes. Lydia curls into Samantha's side and I can see her body rise and fall with sobs as I stand there like an idiot, too drunk to comprehend what the hell is happening. Samantha soothes her with soft words while running her fingers through Lydia's hair. 

Not five minutes later there's more banging on the door, but we are no further into figuring out the mystery behind the bombshell our friend just dropped.

"Cops are on the way!" JJ calls out from the other side. Lydia is in no condition to move as it seems she's barely holding on to consciousness as it is and I wonder just how much she drank before I found her. I swing the door open once more as the three boys stand on the other side, all of them looking concerned as they wait for the sound of sirens.

Cops would be fine if it weren't for the fact that we've all been smoking and when breaking up college parties, they tend to arrest first and ask questions later. That would be bad business for Ethan who has a whole stash in his pocket. 

The boys look at the scene in front of them, the broken mirror, Samantha holding a barely there Lydia, but there's no time for investigation. JJ steps into the bathroom and scoops her into his arms without question before hurrying back out.

"Let's go." He demands while taking the steps as fast as he can while carrying another human. Miles takes my hand and drags me along behind him as everyone else files in behind. London's apartment is within walking distance and without discussion we slip down the ally a block from the party and run as fast as we can towards safety. Just as we turn the corner, London's apartment building in sight, the sound of police sirens pierce through the otherwise quiet night. 

London fumbles with her purse and pulls out her electronic keycard to get us in the building where we pause for a second to catch our breath. Outside, three speeding cop cars fly past towards the party we had just left. We all exchange looks before turning to Lydia, but no one offers any explanation for her bloody hand and tear stained cheeks.


	3. Triple D

**ETHAN  
PRESENT DAY**

My roommate, Holden gives me a look over when I step back in the dorm room after getting ready for the party at Triple D tonight. He gives his nod of approval after taking in the black skinny jeans paired with a black button down. Topping off the look are a pair of checkered vans on my feet I've had since high school. Holden is like me, he'd rather stay in, drink some rum, and play a video game than go out, but when my friends call I have to answer. 

Unlike me, Holden couldn't seem to fit in with my crowd. We had tried to include him after the two of us got assigned as roommates, but it was obvious he couldn't let his teenage irritation for jocks like JJ go long enough to get to know the football player. That seems to be the trend. No one else fits with the six of us and that's fine with me. I never expected to be taken in by the group, but now I can't imagine my life without the five. 

"Another party?" The disdain in the tall, lanky kid is unmistakable. 

"Is it Friday?" I joke while reaching for the bottle of cologne I seldom use. There's no need for it when you stay hunched over a keyboard most of the time. "Shit, is it really ten?" I catch a glimpse of the clock and start shoving necessities into my pockets. Phone, wallet, a pack of gum. 

"Triple D parties don't start until eleven." This time he doesn't look up from his computer. 

"I have to pick up my check from the coffee house before I meet up with Sammy." I mumble while sliding my arms into my coat. "I'll probably crash somewhere else. Don't wait up." I call out behind me as I rush for the door. 

"I won't!" I hear him shout as the door slams shut behind me which causes me to chuckle. 

I speed down the hallway towards the stairs and take them two at a time, knowing it's at least a fifteen minute walk to The Coffee Bean where I work part time between classes, then another fifteen to Sammy's. That leaves us with thirty minutes to find the others. I know how much London despises tardiness and if I'd promised to meet at her apartment at eleven, by god I'll walk as fast as I have to to be on time. 

The quaint coffee house is just closing down as the bell chimes over the door, letting Sierra, my coworker know I'm here. I make my way to the counter and tap my fingers on the wooden bar top as she comes around from the kitchen. 

"I just popped in for my check." Sierra is cute, I have to admit. She's tall, almost my height with strawberry blonde hair that's usually pulled back into a tight updo when she's at work. 

"Of course." She pulls out a key from her green apron and sticks it into the locked drawer beside the register. She pulls out an envelope and passes it to me with a shy smile, her eyes not quite meeting mine. 

"Could you cash it for me?" I tear open the envelope and reach over the counter for a pen before scribbling my signature on the back. The owner tends to let us sign our paychecks over to the coffee house, knowing we usually need money quick and don't always have time to hunt down the nearest bank. As Sierra busies herself typing in the amount on the register, I get an idea. "What are you doing tonight?" My eyes flicker around to make sure there's no prying ears. It would be embarrassing to get shot down in front of anyone. 

"Nothing that I know of. I have a test to study for, but I'll probably just watch a movie instead." She shrugs before passing me the cash she'd removed from the register. 

"Want to go to a party?" I can tell by the way her eyes widen slightly that she wasn't expecting me to ask. She looks down at what she's wearing before meeting my eyes. 

"I'm not really dressed for a night out." There's a hint of disappointment in her voice. 

"You look," I pause as I take in the dark wash denim and simple black tank top on her frame. "just fine." 

"Are you sure?" Sierra shifts her weight from one foot to the other as she glances behind me at the clock on the wall. My phone starts vibrating in my pocket and I pull it out to see Sam's name flashing. 

"Of course. Give me just one second." I step around the corner to the hallway that leads to the restrooms and press accept. 

_"Where are you?"_ Sam questions before I even have a chance to say hello. I pull the phone from my ear to check the time and see it's still early. 

"Picking up my check. I'll be at your place soon." 

_"Miles and Willow showed up early. They wanted to pregame before we go, so hurry up."_ I can hear voices in the background and it sounds like most of them are already intoxicated. 

"I'm coming." I peek around the corner to make sure Sierra is out of earshot before speaking. "I invited Sierra." 

_"The nerdy girl from your job?"_ I can't help the eye roll that question earns. 

"Be nice." Sammy giggles on the other end of the line and a sigh of relief leaves my chest. 

_"I'm only teasing you, Zip. Get over here!_ " And with that she hangs up. When I come back around I see Sierra pulling her hair out of the hair tie, her apron already tossed aside. 

"Are you sure I look okay?" She runs her hands down her front. 

"Absolutely. You ready?" I motion towards the door. 

"Yep, let me grab my coat." Sierra disappears into the kitchen for a second before coming back out, a black jean jacket thrown over her tank top. I lead the way outside, only stopping to let Sierra lock up the cafe. "Will all your friends be there?" She asks after a few minutes of walking in silence. 

"Yeah, we are meeting a few of them at Samantha's before we head to London's. London has an apartment a few blocks from Sorority Row." As Sierra nods, I sneak a look over. She really is cute. "It's a good place to crash when you're drunk."

"Are they okay with you inviting someone? I know how exclusive your little band of pals can be." That earns a laugh from me. 

"We aren't a _'band.'_ And if it were exclusive, I sure as hell wouldn't have been allowed in." She gives me a look like she doesn't believe me. "I'm a nerd. Nerds don't hang out with anyone exclusive." I joke. 

"You're not a nerd."

"I'm getting a degree in Graphic Design. What else would you call me?" Sierra's cheeks flush red as she looks down at the sidewalk in front of us. Her shoulders raise and fall in a shrug. 

"You must be pretty cool if London McMillian gives you the time of day." Her voice is soft and the comment almost makes me stop. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I've just heard stories, you know." My defensive mechanisms slowly start to unwind from the recesses of my mind. 

"Like what?" I snap a little harsher than I had intended. It's not lost on Sierra. 

"Just, just that she can be a little bit of a," she hesitates. "A bitch." 

"Hah! I'm not surprised you've heard that, but it isn't true." Sierra gives me the side eye and I smirk. 

"So, she didn't spread rumors at the start of term about two sophomores being in the closet?" The bold statement takes me by surprise and I think back to how all of us struggled coming back to campus this year. London, like the rest of us, harbored a lot of hate and anger towards a lot of people. 

"London was having a tough time. We all were." Sierra lets out a snort of laughter. 

"That gives her the right to defame someone's character?" I open my mouth to respond, but snap it shut. "Exactly. It was wrong." 

"I'm assuming one of those sophomores is your friend?"

"Bailey, yeah." 

"I'm sorry. On behalf of London, I really am." Sierra shrugs once more. 

"It's whatever, but you won't convince me that you don't hang out with some questionable people." A part of me begins to regret inviting her. Will there be tension between the strawberry blonde I have a crush on and the red headed flame I consider a best friend? If Sierra likes me back, would she make me choose her over family?

_Whoa, don't get ahead of your self, Ethan._

"Sorry for bringing it up." Sierra apologizes after quite a few steps without a word from me. 

"No, it's okay. I understand why you might harbor negative feelings towards her." As we turn the corner, Sammy's building comes in to view. Sierra and I don't say much on the way up to the second floor and by the time we reach our destination, the conversation has been forgotten. At least for the time being. 

"Zipppp!" Sammy cries out as we enter the cramped space where most of my friends are spread out on the cheap dorm room furniture. She's dressed in a tight black dress that barely covers her ass and she stumbles in the tall heels as she comes over. 

"Hey." I greet the blonde as she swings her arms around my neck and squeezes. The smell of coconut rum is strong on her breath and I can tell just by her dead wet hanging from my neck that she's passed the point of buzzed. "Guys, this is Sierra." I introduce the girl standing awkwardly beside me as my friends all give her a warm 'hello.'

"About time." Miles mumbles as he reaches for a bottle of vodka on the bedside table that's missing half it's contents. "Here, you two have some catching up to do." I roll my eyes as I take the bottle, making sure to toss him some of the cash from my check in return, and take a long pull all while Sammy hangs off me while rambling on about the new guy she's seeing. Apparently, he's meeting us at the party. 

"He's hot and built like a tree." She swoons while reaching for the bottle in my hand, but I hold it high enough she can't reach before passing it over to Sierra who seems amused by Samantha's charade.

"Lord help any man who can take you on." Miles teases while reaching for a different type of alcohol that Willow is holding. That comment earns a middle finger from the blonde. The fact that Willow has barely said a word isn't lost on me and I start to wonder if she's okay. 

"Are we ready to roll?" Sammy asks as she unlatches herself from my side and reaches for her clutch.

An hour later, after more shots than anyone should consume before a party, and a stop at London's to meet up with her and JJ, we finally make it to the sorority house of Delta Delta Delta. 

The party is in full swing as midnight nears, and I'm engulfed in a sea of people, my head spinning from the alcohol. House music plays from stereo system in the living room and it doesn't take long for half of the group to break off to dance while the rest of us find the beer pong set up. It's just another night out for us and we all know our favorite places. 

Miles and I team up for a game against a few Triple D sisters and it doesn't take long before I'm throwing back plastic cups of warm beer because I'm too intoxicated to aim. Miles can't stop laughing, that much I'm certain because every time I look at him his eyes are narrow slits as his shoulders move up and down, the girl beside him clearly kicking our asses. 

"I give up." I groan after two games and I head off from the table to hunt down somewhere to sit down long enough to clear my drunken head. Time passes at what feels like lightening speed and before I know it a thin body is crawling into my lap, the smell of patchouli incense filling my nostrils. Willow rests her head on my shoulder, her eyes closed as she lets out a soft sigh, her breath tickling my neck. 

"I'm sleepy." She mumbles, her words slurred.

"Me too." I squeeze her tight. Sierra makes her way over with an almost empty bottle of tequila in her hand and when she sees Willow cozy in my lap, her eyes narrow. The strawberry blonde had gotten into a conversation with some girls she knew as soon as we got here, and after getting as drunk as I had so quick, I'd almost forgotten she was here with me. 

"Well, I see where you ran off to." She mumbles while taking a pull from the bottle. I shrug my shoulders in response. 

"I think she's two sheets to the wind." Sierra looks from Willow to me. The girl in my lap doesn't even stir. 

"Your girl friends always this close?" I've never known Sierra to have an attitude about much. She's always been laid back, but alcohol can bring out the worst in just about anyone. 

"Usually." Sierra does nothing but nod her head, her eyes still locked on the girl in my lap. I'm just being honest, not realizing how much that bothers Sierra, that the females in my friend circle have no issue with being close to me like this. It doesn't mean anything, it's just the way we are, but I can tell it bothers her. 

"Have a good night, Ethan." Sierra tells me with a wave of her hand before she disappears into the crowd once again.

Willow and I sit that way for quite a while before everything takes a turn for the worse. Willow's eyes had remained closed and I'd assumed she had fallen asleep, but the sound of shouting from upstairs startles her up, her brown eyes wide with intoxicated confusion. 

_"Where did you get this!?"_ A familiar voice screeches from the top of the staircase. " _Where!?"_ The hostile question is followed by the sound of things crashing to the ground, glass shattering, which causes us to stand. The two of us race up the stairs, Miles in tow. The chaos has gotten the attention of everyone within earshot and they all seem to be just as confused as I am. 

"Sam, relax." I hear another female voice respond but not one I recognize. I take the stairs two at a time to find Samantha holding a small, leather bound notebook in her hand. 

"Why the _fuck_ is this here?" Sammy seethes at the raven haired girl who seems to be afraid of my blonde friend. Broken glass litters the hallway floor where Sam had obviously thrown a vase from the table under a large, antique mirror. "Why do you have this, Rachel!?" 

"Hey, hey, calm down." Miles rushes over and drags Sam away further down the hall while she struggles to get out of his hold. Her eyes are wild as she stares daggers at this Rachel girl over Miles's shoulder. Willow looks from me to the mess and back again. 

"I'm going to go check on her." Willow tells me and then follows after Miles and Samantha into one of the bedrooms. 

"What happened?" I ask the girl and she freezes, as if she's not so sure herself. 

"I don't know. She came out here completely freaking out." 

"Is everything okay?" I turn to see JJ heading up the staircase with London in tow. He takes in the scene in front of him and all I can do is shrug. 

"Sam lost her shit. She's in there with Miles and Willow." I point towards the bedroom. With the distraction of JJ, Rachel takes her chance to disappear down to the first floor. The party seems to have resumed as conversation has picked up once more and no one is coming to gawk at the scene. 

"Well, come on then." I can hear the irritation in London's voice as she pushes past me. JJ and I follow into the bedroom where Sam sits on the edge of the bed, Miles and Willow kneeling down in front of her. 

"Does this look familiar to any of you?" Sam holds up the notebook and I shrug. It's not something I recall seeing, but it causes London to stop in her tracks. 

"That's Lydia's journal." The redhead breathes out. "Willow and I looked everywhere for it after," she trails off. "Where did you find it?"

"In that bitch's bedroom." Samantha grits out, her makeup now smeared on her face. "I figured Lydia had gotten rid of it, but here it is." 

"Lydia hated the sorority girls. Why would her journal end up with one of them?" Willow's voice is soft as we all think over that exact question. Samantha holds the journal in her hands like it's the most valuable thing in the world and it seems none of us really know what to say. 

"What's so special about it, Sammy?" JJ asks while crossing his arms over his chest. The blonde lets out a sarcastic snort like that's the dumbest question she's ever heard. 

"It _only_ holds every single event of importance in Lydia's entire life." She snaps and a look of understanding washes over his face. "Yeah, now you understand." The six of us fall into silence once again.

There's a reason the seven of us came together. We all had secrets, some from our past but most from the years we've spent here together. We could trust each other with even the darkest pieces of ourselves because every single one of us had a demon. Knowing those secrets could possibly have been on display for anyone outside of our circle makes my stomach turn. I begin to regret the amount of alcohol I had consumed. It's obvious I'm not the only one. 

"Maybe Rachel didn't even know it was here. Maybe Lydia hid it somewhere." Miles tries to rationalize the situation while running his hands over his head. 

"It was right on her bedside table, Ace. She read it, I know she did. That's why she cowered like a fucking baby in the hallway. She knows who I am. She knows who we _all_ are, now." London's face goes pale as a ghost. 

"I'm too fucking high for this." London leans against the wall and slides down to sit in a pile of limbs. 

"Maybe she didn't even write about us." Willow whispers out. "She wrote all the time. She had more than one journal." No one says anything. There's no amount of theories that would convince any of us that journal holds PG-13 entries that make us look like gleaming, perfect students. We all knew Lydia well enough to know better. 

" _Fuck!_ " JJ shouts as he starts to pace the room. "We have to get rid of it. Fucking burn it or something." 

"Aren't any of you a little bit curious?" I ask after saying nothing for what feels like the entirety of the conversation. "I mean, I am. I'd like to know what Lydia said about me." 

"No." Miles snaps. "I would definitely rather not know." 

"Some things should stay buried. They shouldn't be written down like stories for the whole world to see." I can hear the bitterness in London's voice from behind me as she sits on the floor looking like a broken porcelain doll. "But by morning all of Triple D will know, if they don't already." 

Samantha stands and grabs her clutch from the bed before shoving the cursed journal into it. She wipes the smeared makeup with her fingers and turns to us. 

"Let's get out of here. We can figure it out in the morning." And with that the six of us head out of the sorority house to London's apartment and for the first time since we've known each other, there's nothing to say between us.


End file.
